Two things can be true at the same time
Women are still way behind. Men are in distress.
10,000 years of patriarchy….and then some.
Burned at the stake…Not allowed to vote, learn to read, attend university, own property, or have their own credit, let alone hold office…Committed to sanitariums for shock therapy or lobotomies to control their ways. Sold, trafficked, and owned as property, at the hands of fathers, brothers, and other men.
This is the heritage of women; carried in their DNA, written on their hearts, and scarred into their bodies.
In some parts of the world, things remain much the same, and in the United States, women still earn about 20% less than men, hold 90% less CEO positions, and are 9x more likely to be victims of sexual violence. Single women gained the right to obtain and use birth control in 1972 via the Supreme Court decision, Eisenstadt v. Baird. And in 1974 women were given a new level of financial freedom with the right to have a mortgage (their own line of credit without a man) - this one is near and dear to my heart having built a technology company to democratize the mortgage to make it accessible to anyone. It sometimes shocks people when I show them how recent some of the privileges women have today were granted.
Ahhh…that word ”privilege”...does it make your skin bristle, or your jaw tighten? As if women didn’t have the rights by inherently being human? That they have had to fight for the recognition, respect, and acknowledgement that they deserve these basic human rights? That the only reason they didn’t have these rights, is by virtue of simply being “women”?
So goes the story of women….and most women today are pretty pissed off about how long it has taken to get to where they are, and as a woman, I can assure you, there is no way in hell we are going back.
In 1972, men were 13% more likely to graduate from college than women, and the process for women was discriminatory and lacking the scholarships that were more available to men. Title IX was passed in 1972, and became one of the most significant pieces of education legislation in the history of the United States. The law states: "No person in the United States shall, on the basis of sex, be excluded from participation in, be denied the benefits of, or be subjected to discrimination under any education program or activity receiving Federal financial assistance." This radically impacted the opportunities for women in the United States to access education, scholarships, a sponsored athletics program, as well as a framework for acknowledgement of harassment and discrimination that didn’t exist before.
Title IX has had tremendous success in its goals, and the outcomes have been enduringly beneficial. And in one area in particular, the numbers are significantly better for women than they were in 1972. Today, women are 15% more likely to graduate from college than men.
So, essentially things are worse for men right now (on that metric) than they were for women when the legislation was created. But, there’s more going on…
Men are 4x more likely to take their lives.
Men are 4x less likely to graduate from college than women.
Men are 2x more likely to binge drink than women
Men are signaling early red flags of distress, and the data is validating that something is really wrong. Meanwhile, even with improvements, women still get less in everything, and have to “earn” their way to equal treatment and opportunities, while living in a world that is likely to make them a victim of sexual violence.
How can both be true concurrently?
Getting to the root of how this is true, is something I intend to investigate through holding space for the conversations there aren’t words for.
But first, it’s important to accept the reality of our current moment, and get curious enough to ask men, “do you even want the patriarchy you inherited?” And lean in, and listen to men…in a space that is safe for them to voice their own truth, even if it’s uncomfortable.
What does it mean to be a successful man today?
What society do you want for your sisters, daughters, wives?
What keeps you up at night?
How is your worth defined?
How are you misunderstood?
If you are interested in sharing or leaning in to learn more, please follow my work. I am starting by inviting men to share with me about the experience of being a man today. My goal is to thread the insights from the input of tens of thousands of men to help form a data-driven language we can all use to shift into a new paradigm that we are proud to hand to future generations.
To learn more about my work please visit my website. www.heather-harmon.com