Toxic Masculinity Defined
What does this even mean?
Everyone likes to throw in a good “toxic masculinity” for good measure in any topic related to gender equality and the perpetual state of affairs in all things related to the patriarchy. And with good reason, toxic masculinity is endemic and seeped into the “bro culture” of our modern society….but….what is it really?
In his book Of Boys and Men, researcher Richard Reeves writes that until around 2015, the phrase “toxic masculinity” was only mentioned a few times in academic articles, and by 2017, there were thousands of mentions, mostly in the media where the impact is magnified.
But truly the term is almost never defined, and has been signaled as the cause of mass shootings, gang violence, online trolling, climate change, political and financial crisis, and an unwillingness to wear a mask during the COVID-19 pandemic.
So for the sake of the conversations there aren’t words for, let’s try and break it down to get to a definition of toxic masculinity we can actually buy into. For now, I’ll examine a few definitions offered by others, but ultimately my conversations with men should shape a definition we women can live with.
Psychology Today: Toxic masculinity is characterized by a set of cultural norms that devalue the positive aspects of femininity. In "masculinity contest cultures," typically found in workplaces, employees are expected to show no weakness or vulnerability, display strength and stamina, prioritize work over personal interests and family, and accept a highly competitive environment. The defining feature of toxic masculinity in this context is any environment that dismisses or punishes feminine qualities such as care, warmth, empathy, diplomacy, sensitivity, and mutual respect. [Source]
New York Times - Maya Salam is a staff reporter on gender and she writes, “Researchers have defined it in part, as a set of behaviors and beliefs, that include the following:
Suppressing emotions or masking distress
Maintaining an appearance of hardness
Violence as an indication of power (think “tough guy” behavior)
In other words, “toxic masculinity” is what can come of teaching boys that they can’t express emotion openly; that they have to be tough all the time; that anything other than that makes them “feminine” or weak.”
[Source]
Traveling into this realm of trying to find a definition is a slippery slope of alt-right conservatives, white supremists, and mythopoetics who all have a variety of very charged positions about what toxic masculinity is or isn’t and how men today should or shouldn’t be.
Bottom line.
If I were a man today, I would be so confused.
For the sake of the conversation - let’s start with this:
Toxic Masculinity is a set of behaviors and beliefs that require men to be dominant, emotionally repressed, sexually aggressive, and physically imposing to be considered "real men."
I’m looking forward to refining this definition as I learn from the men who are living it in the conversations there aren’t words for.